Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"Freedom's just another word..."

I was thinking about "Freedom,"and what that concept means to me now.
It has meant different things to me throughout my life, depending on my then-current situation. Back in the late 60's, when my dad taught me all of the lyrics to Kris Kristofferson's first album, freedom was something people sang about, and I was still just a kid, but from things I would see on TV or hear in songs, I figured "freedom" had something to do with motorcycles and long hair.
In the 70's, when I was going through high school and thinking about the future, "freedom" was the concept by which I dreamt about what the future may hold someplace other than "here."
During the years I worked and raised a family, "freedom" was something I blithely took for granted, making my decisions and mistakes as I went, no one judging how I did it.
These days, I look back on Kristofferson's lyric, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" to describe what it's like to be without a driver's license, unable to rollerskate, or play with my grandkids the way I would like, outside and running around with no restraint.
"Nothing left to lose" is what happens when depression grabs you, and it's hard to see the light.
But somehow, I keep lookin' up.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

On a day when nothing goes right and the various parts of your body are not working well, there's nothing else to do but veg in front of the Bears game with a Pepsi and some chocolate/mint ice cream; and just maybe, the Bears will win!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I was checking the weather channel, looking at the map for my part of IL, when an alert concerning the hurricane headed toward the Eastern seaboard caught my attention. Out of habit, I checked the city where some relatives of my ex-husband live. Automatically I made plans to call them, check on them and see if their area was in the path of concern.After all, I had been married 25 years, and I had always thought of them as "family."
Then I froze. Even though we had been in touch since the split, I had not heard from them in quite some time now. Maybe it was time to let it go.
I've always had trouble with that, letting go of someone.
In the natural stream of life people come and go out of our lives, but "goodbye" has always been a real struggle for me.
The disintegration of my marriage was almost more than I could tolerate. I have been working on the "letting go" for a very long time. If I couldn't have turned to family,friends, and my faith in God, the loneliness would have been crushing.
So I've come to understand that "letting go" is a journey, like any other in life.
And maybe someday, looking at the Weather Channel will just be "looking at the Weather Channel", something ordinary that doesn't hurt, no matter what the season.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I was preparing to journal today about the research I've started on MS and fibromyalgia and where they intersect. But, as usual, the radio is on, and Supertramp is singing "Right, Bloody well right." Then the Stones come on, and I might as well stop and veg, listening to the radio. And if I had a nickel for everytime I've done that...
But I digress. One point I've found where MS, and fibromyalgia intersect is neuropathy, so I'll start my research there. My cousin Judy has inspired this research. We now share physical pain, but throughout my life she has shared with me emotional pain, as well. It is also her fault that I had to stop to listen to the radio. She lived with us when I was 5, and taught me to roller skate at the local rink. Even though she was out of high school already and had her own life, she would spend Saturday afternoons with me watching the rock and roll programs of the day. Sitting here right now the only one I can remember is Bobby Sherman's, and that one because he was a favorite of mine.
Anyway, watch this space for further research.
And more rock and roll references.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Our power was out for a couple of hours this morning.

Our power was out for a couple of hours this morning. One of those "severe thunderstorms" the midwest is famous for rumbled through, though this one seemed to thunder on longer than usual. I found myself getting disgusted, thinking of all the things I wasn't getting done. So I prayed, and the gift I received was patience. I thought of all those things again, and decided I could do them one at a time, when the power came on. So I listened, really listened, to the rain hitting the front porch, to cars out on Main Street, to a lone bird braving the storm. I eventually took a good nap, and woke up just in time for the power to come back on. Funny how that works...

Monday, August 3, 2009

"Hey Dude, can you play some LYNRD SKYNRD?" A little "Tuesday's Gone" puts everything into perspective. You can't beat well-played electric guitars, Ladies and Gentlemen.